What is romance? I see guys hanging out with girls and the romance doesn't seem to be there. Even if you've been going out for years, recently started dating, or have been married for a long time, there's no reason not to be romantic.

A relationship is not just about love and sex, it's about being romantic. Because I know that women sometimes no matter how long they've been with a partner, yearn for romance. It's just that sometimes guys are just too dumb to ever be romantic.

So, what is romantic? Is it an expensive dinner overlooking beautiful scenery accompanied by violin players and presenting your woman with a gift? JezuzChrist, if romance was like that; all the guys in the world would be flat broke by now. Sure, women would love to be treated like princes in Breakfast at Tiffany's or Bridget Jones but they also know what's possible and what's not.

Can somebody tell me?

I wish

I wish I could take your hand and let you grab my heart from my chest so you could tell from the heartbeat, if my feeling was real. Then you could smack it, squeeze it, abuse it and you could still tell, if it was still beating, if my feeling was still strong, for you.

..And I know I can not live without a strong heartbeat.

Remember how you're eating in your comfortable home or in a nice cafe or restaurant and realize that at that very moment one of your brothers or sisters are out there on the streets hungry because they haven't eaten for an entire day. How hard is it for you to just go eat at a warteg or invite a couple to eat a warteg.

You act as if living without your mobile phone for a day is the end of the world, well remind yourself of the brothers and sisters who don't even know what a mobile phone or never even touched a mobile phone. Think of how easy it is for us to use computers, well remember everyone else who doesn't know how to use a computer. Sit on your warm comfy couch and watch DVDs and stuff, drink and eat your junk food, well remember your brothers and sisters who are sleeping on a piece of tikar beneath a bridge without a blanket.

If we look at ourselves and our lives then you'll see that the little things in our lives we take for granted mean so much for the less fortunate. Just remember the next time you go to CITOS to hang out with all your friends. You keep fighting with your friends whether to eat at SCORE or eat Nando's, well remember your brothers and sisters just outside of Citos who don't even know if they'll get anything to eat, who keep peering into a warteg but can't buy anything because the money they have in their pockets can't buy them anything substantial for dinner.

Just look at the things we do than we can appreciate what we have and how our hard work has paid off. Appreciate the education your family has given you and what you have attained. Stop living the life of a metropolitan high class lifestyle. Live that lifestyle but cut down on the excess. How hard is it not to go out every weekend? How hard is it to eat normal warteg like food so you know how your brothers and sisters feel.

How bout just changing our lifestyle a bit and saving it up to help others. Giving no matter how small. Now imagine if everyone, no if 100 people in Jakarta had that idea of giving someone food. 10 bungkusan multiplied by 100 people would mean 1000 bungkusan, we just fed 1000 people.

I know there are more than 100 people who care but just think if we all did the small things and how much it would add up if we did do all those small things and changing our lifestyle. Just think about it…Think if those 100 people did it every week for every month for every year. Think how many people they would feed. What if each day you do something, if you accumulate it and everyone else is doing it, imagine how much you can give in a year just by changing our lifestyles to give a light to others...

Picture is taken from http://hning.deviantart.com The actual event is almost the same as seen in this picture

I traveled around Jakarta with my bike last Saturday night. On one junction, I saw a little girl begging for small amount of Rupiahs. 5 minutes later, a friend text me to join him in one of café in south Jakarta. When I got there, suddenly I felt like what a way of wasting money. It’s crazy world we’re living in. When that little girl need small amount of cash to eat; I should spend thousand or maybe hundred thousand just to hang out with my friends.

Tuhan…...

Terima kasih telah Kau datangkan padaku sosok yang indah ini

Dia...

Mengisi hati yang kosong karena cinta

Memadamkan bara di hati yang panas karena cinta

Mencairkan hati yang beku karena karena cinta

Dia adalah...

Sosok yang indah

Sosok yang kuat

Sosok yang tegar

Aku merindunya

Aku menyanginya

Aku mencintanya

Aku ingin memilikinya

Dan...

Kuingin dia merinduku

Kuingin dia menyayangiku

Kungin dia mencintaku

Jakarta, Medan, Embassy, Tebet, Wijaya, Monas, Oh La La, Starbucks, burger Blenger, De John’s, Burger Grill, warung padang senen, Cathedral, Immanuel, Qatar Embassy, Kafe Regal, KFC, Mc Donald’s, Tiptop, JPC, Hypermart, Carrefour, Dimsum, Sun plaza, Sun 21, J.Co, Gramedia, Dunkin Donuts, Lokananta, IKJ, Darwis Photography School, Harikota, Antares, Retro, Yopie Salon, Merdeka Square, Marlboro, A-Mild, Dji Sam Soe, San Miguel, Carlsberg, Heineken, Tequila, HAW, ice cream, Tiger 2000, SLR Nikon D40, books, movies, runaway ring, polo shirt no.3, angkot no. 43, taxi, becak motor, Tiesto, pop corn, mineral water, Teh Botol, coffee, chocolate, nasi uduk, roti cane kare kambing, martabak mesir, new sun glasses, bad hair cut, KS, SMS, 10 minutes call,

How can I not love you?

Because these are all resumed in one word: L O V E

I miss you and I LOVE YOU

Acehnese R, shuuush, secara?, Email, power point, Sony Vaio, friendster, deviantart, facebook, blogging, YM, General, Hning, Muscle man, Movie man, our lovely Big Guy, Nongki, Fina, Umar, Syahid, Erhan, Chiara, Dimas, Ovi, Lulu, crazy foreigner, new years eve, the L-word, Metallica, Bon Jovi, Cops, KITAS, farting, flirting, burping, story telling, singing, dancing, smiling, laughing, motoriding, traveling, crazy drinking pattern, hanging around, happiness, sadness, joy, tears, broke up, broken heart, longing, kissing, hugging, slapping, hurting, taking pictures, falling in love, gorgeous eyes,

I hate my hometown, Jakarta. I’m stuck with daily routines. I need to take a break and get out of this boring city.

Finally I have the chance for vacation. I went to Medan for 5 days last week. It’s not the destination that make me happy. YOU. Yeah, be able to see you again are the important issue here. Though we didn’t go anywhere that much, but that’s fine with me. The main point is I could spend these 5 days with you.

Blabbered days and night, rode on becak motor, jealous girl friend, dirty dancing, and rode on angkot with nowhere to go made me happy and ready to start my new week.

One thing keep bothering me is you were crying again. That made me sad. And you know what; I’m too softhearted for tearful eyes, honest laugh and gentle minds. Now you know why I also cry huh?

Please forgive me if phrase “you don’t deserve me” make you cry. I want you, I LOVE YOU, but the fact is I can’t have you, you know the reason.

For whatever you do and wherever you go, at least you know you have me as your cheerleader. You have me to share your stories and you have me as your shoulder to cry on.

(Ayah and his little tiger)

Ayah

This guy is a giant of giants. Being raise in poverty, made him become strong person to face this life. He’s very strict father. That’s what make me can’t stand with his rules. I always against him when we’re arguing on something. We live in the same house, but there was a time when we weren’t talk to each other for I don’t know, maybe six or seven years.

What I admire from him is he never thinks money as his life priority. “Money is just a thing, but not everything” that’s what he said. Though he doesn’t have full bags of money, he’s happy. Never live under pressure.

In spite of differences we have, I just want you to know that I love you so much Ayah

(Mama and me, her bad boy)

Mama

She decided to work at home as long as she could see her children grow up properly. She’s my shoulder to cry on. I can tell her whatever I have in mind. She’s an open minded woman, trying to fiddle with herself to her children. Sometimes I let her down by doing some crazy stuff which I regret it now.

I know I’ve been a yank. But that doesn’t change what I feel for you. I love you mommy

Today is a special day for my parents. They’re celebrating their birthdays. Yes, it’s their birthday, not their wedding anniversary. They were born on the same date, May, 12th. My dad turns 55 and my mom turns 53. It’s funny, isn’t it? I wonder how they felt when they still lovers.

Happy birthday Mama. Happy birthday Ayah.
No party,
No birthday cake,
No candle blows,
Just prayer from your beloved son.

“I wish you guys, a perfect health, gift from up above until death do you apart.” Amen.

I’m working on my abs and build my 6 packs again. To gain it, I should have my diet. Gosh…it’s hard. But I wanna work on my diet program again. I’ve been doing a lot of yoyo diets, which I hate so much. The motivation, that's it. It keeps going on and off and on and off, hehehhehe... Well, gotta start making a commitment with myself. I wanna live much healthier and I just wanna be more focused and a lot happier than now. And I just need to force myself to keep having those positive thoughts about everything. I won't have bad thoughts towards other people, whoever they are, uh-uh, and I just gotta stop it. Is it gonna kill the criticism or the sarcasm I have? hehehehhehe, of course not. I may be planning to be a better and healthier person in both mind and body, but I also still need to be aware of all the good and bad things that might happen all the way, coz things just sort of happen, things happen just like how they want to.

I also gotta stop being an almost-professional procrastinator. But I just can't let it keep going and turn into this evil thing that can transform into the most dangerous form: LAZINESS. It’s a dissertation that I’m dealing with over here. Halloo? Can I just yell it to brain in my head?? hehehhe.. Man, do I sound desperate or what? but I really need to get this over with, A.S.A.P, for the sake of my life, so I can continue working again, so I can go to see the world, so I can make my family happy, so I can celebrate it together with my beloved friends if I make it.. If... Oh my God, do I doubt myself now? hehehehee..

Never sweat the small stuff ever again. I’m gonna set a much higher price for my sweat now, ain't gonna spill it that easy. I’m gonna bury my angst, the anger, the hatred-to-be, the sadness... I’m gonna bury it twelve feet under. I have to learn to forgive and forget. Yes, I won't stick to that tagline ever again, "forgiven but not forgotten"... No, it's only gonna create a time bomb inside me. I just need to forget. I need to repent, to have my own kinda way of redemption; I need to create this powerful cleanser formula for myself, to get rid of those evil aura, invisible debris and dirt all over me.

Hari kemarin.
Kamu tak bisa mengubah apa pun yang telah terjadi. Kamu tak bisa menarik perkataan yang telah terucapkan. Kamu tak mungkin lagi menghapus kesalahan;
dan mengulangi kegembiraan yang kamu rasakan kemarin. Biarkan hari kemarin lewat; lepaskan saja...

Hari esok.
Hingga mentari esok hari terbit, kamu tidak tahu apa yang akan terjadi. Kamu tak bisa melakukan apa-apa esok hari. Kamu tak mungkin sedih atau ceria di esok hari. Esok hari belum tiba; biarkan saja...

Hari ini.
Pintu masa lalu telah tertutup; Pintu masa depan pun belum tiba. Pusatkan saja diri kamu untuk hari ini. Kamu dapat mengerjakan lebih banyak hal hari ini bila kamu mampu memaafkan hari kemarin dan melepaskan ketakutan akan esok hari. Hiduplah hari ini. Karena, masa lalu dan masa depan hanyalah permainan pikiran yang rumit. Hiduplah apa adanya. Karena yang ada hanyalah hari ini; hari ini yang abadi.

Cintailah seseorang sepenuh hati hari ini, karena mungkin besok cerita sudah berganti. Ingatlah bahwa kamu menunjukkan penghargaan pada orang lain bukan karena siapa mereka, tetapi karena siapakah dirimu sendiri.

Jadi, jangan biarkan masa lalu mengekangmu atau masa depan membuatmu bingung, lakukan yang terbaik HARI INI dan lakukan SEKARANG juga!!!!!

And what makes me happier last night was my mid night call with MSG. We talked for more than 3 hours. I had so much fun and it sure healed the longing I and MSG were having at the first place. Though it’s not enough but I’m happy. I’m happy to know that we still have good topics to talk about every time we talk, not at all serious or cheapish with useless pointless topics and we talk something malicious. I don't even know why I feel so excited about it, it's just I haven't had that kind of conversation for a while with her. Everything seems to just flow. Yeah, it flows. And I’m following it to wherever it goes. And I just had another great thing to learn out of this.

I felt so happy last night. I chatted with Ovi again after a while, since we broke up 3 months ago. It was only 20 minutes chat. And we got into this small argument, you know, ex lover syndromes. But it was fun. And then I went to her page and saw her journal. She wrote about me. She said that I’m a cold guy, as cold as iceberg and doesn’t care to surroundings, I’m not sensitive. Well…whatever

One thing I don’t like about our last night chat was she kept reminding me about our relationship. She asked whether I still love her or not. Hush…why did she ask me that kinda question? I love her. It will never change. But the relationship is over. We’re just friend now, close friend. I should let her go, and the show must go on.

I know it’s pathetic. It’s really been a while since I revved up things in blog. Well... I’ve been too busy, schizophrenic and physically tired and hurt lately that I keep on forgetting who I really am. Seriously.

Let me pour it all out- I am disappointed in MYSELF. So serious that I cannot even bear thinking of how stupid I am to fail. I am seriously thinking of quitting jobs... I know it's dumb to say that and that yes I know bunch of people wont mind to take my place. So sue me.

Call me a drama queen. I may look all carefree and cheery on the outside... but didn't you notice what counts are inside that....?