I’ve been dating principessa, my lover for 2 years. And darling, it’s long enough to figure out who you really are. You give me everything I need. Love, respect, honor, tender heart, acceptance and freedom. That’s all I ever need from a lover. And I do get it from you. I don’t need wealth and material stuffs, because they will change me from the person I am right now.

But, it’s over now. We broke up last night after we yield to each other on the phone. You have chosen your own way. That’s okay. I’m cool with that. I don’t wanna be the barrier beyond your happiness. There is nothing I have to fight for. If I have to stay in one way relationship where there is no more chemistry between us, it’s better for me withdrawal my self from it.

What I’m not cool with is your questions. “Are you gonna be okay? Are you pissed? Are you disappointed? “. C’mon girl…what kind of bullshit is that? What do you think I’m? Teen? I’m old enough to take care of my self unless you forgot. I will be fine. Since being abandoned, underestimated, dumped and left behind became my nick name, I’m used to it. I can get over it.

[Ah... isn’t it lovely, expressing whatever you have in your brain when you’re so pissed.]

I do believe in the cite if I love something, I will set it free. If it returns to me, it’s mine. And if it doesn’t, it has never meant to be. Maybe you were never meant to be

If you’re gonna find happiness with other, please spare me. Substitute me. I can make sure I won’t be in your way for finding happiness. But don’t ask that cliché questions coz it gives me headache. Enough is enough.

Good bye my lover, you have been the one for me. It’s been a pleasure knowing you and having you as part of my life. May you find your happiness, may you find what you are looking for, may you remember me well and may you kept our memories well.

Ciao...

*****

Pernahkah kau menghitung waktu yang berlalu sejak terakhir kali kita bertemu?
Mungkin surat ini tak akan pernah terkirim. Karena sebenarnya aku hanya ingin berbicara pada diriku sendiri, pada angin malam yang menerpa, pada bunga mawar merah kering yang entah kenapa masih saja menempel di dinding... tentang kamu.

Kamu yang pertama mengajarkan bagaimana memilah jenis rasa. Kamu yang datang dengan mengetuk pintu, lalu pergi meninggalkan haru yang tak juga bisa terkikis waktu. Dasar asu.

Setengah bagian diriku ingin agar membencimu, memakimu hingga muak, bahkan muntah pun rasanya tak cukup untuk menghilangkan penat. Tapi setengah bagian diriku yang lain ingin agar kau datang, dengan sekeranjang bahagia. Menyesali kebodohan mu dan memohon agar menerima kekhilafan mu.

Hatiku mampat disesaki cinta yang terlanjur penuh
Menjadi detak tubuh
Menyatu dengan ruh

Andai hati tidak ikut berevolusi. Andai satu mesin waktu mampu untuk berhenti, stagnan dan berakhir dengan keabadian... aku rela menukar satu detik untuk bersamamu. Tanpa detik yang lain menunggu untuk dilirik setelahnya.

Jadi maafkan aku, bila tiap saat, kupuja engkau penuh kesumat
Seluruh tubuhku terlanjur menyetarakanmu dengan mentari yang harus ada
Atau.... aku tak kan pernah bahagia