My ride into home is a long one, and one would think it would get monotonous. I’ve developed a keen sense of sight and sound before, during and after this long trip.

It seems like forever since I updated my blog. Amazing how time can fly by. Really, truly amazing that life can just simply whizz past and when you look back, you realize that you have just somehow forgotten some of the important things that make you smile and that make others smile. Or cry, depends on how you view this blog. I must say though it is nice to be back. And I'll make sure that my stories continue because one thing for sure, the embarrasing moments don't look likely to end!

Today is one of the perfect days to over damp loneliness. Hilarious as never

I just won a ticket to a state of boredom, with a lot of infatuations buckle up, sad fact, true that. Killing sensations that last like newly poured sun rising in that shiny thin transparent jar-like glass. Nothing extraordinary, well this is more less an extraordinary obscurant, much preferable, rather than sobbing over ridiculous nightmare (God, next time send me a better script okay) which involved a mad cutesy bride of plucky and a Godfather ended up dead and wasted all over—a flock buster scenario, puff lease. Could something else worse be much more igniting?

I’m fed up. I’m tired of getting hurt. And I’m tired of getting tired. I'll keep our up and down memories in my heart. But it’s time for me to move on.

Aku terbiasa berbincang berlama – lama denganmu. Di bawah sinar mentari, rembulan, turunnya hujan dan sinar lampu. Tertawa, terpesona. Lalu kita berciuman. Di atas tempat tidur di dalam sebuah kamar, terkadang kita saling menatap, sesudah makan pagi, selepas makan siang dan sebelum tidur.

Pada seorang teman aku bercerita tentangmu. Aku hanya ingin punya seseorang yang kucintai, yang aku bisa bersamanya, bergandengan tangan, berpelukan, berciuman siang dan malam dan bercerita.

Di tempat tidur itu, tempat kita berciuman, kamu menatapku…ooohh…aku suka sekali. Kita berbincang tentang apa saja dan tiba – tiba kita berciuman.

Tetapi…

Kini kita tidak bisa bergandengan tangan lagi, berciuman siang dan malam dan bercerita. Kini kita hanya bisa berbisik – bisik, berbicara dalam hati, bersedih tanpa menangis dan bergembira tanpa tertawa.

Di ujung Desember engkau tersenyum, seperti tangis yang tertahan, seperti sedih yang membuncah. Dan akupun tersungkur dalam ingatan atas semua yang pernah hadir dalam hidupku. Atas kamu yang mencintaiku, atas luka yang kita bagi bersama, atas tawa di siang hari, atas tangis di tengah malam, atas aku yang bercerita tentang semua yang menghubungkan kita. Dari semuanya, ternyata engkau masih bertanya dimanakah cinta. Lihatlah aku, resapi aku. Dan semuanya terdengar seperti kata “sedih”, “bingung” terkadang disisipi kata “bahagia”, terkadang dihampiri kata “penyesalan”.

Semua lalu mulai tertawa. Supir – supir angkutan, pengemis di jalanan, bapak – bapak pulang kerja, ibu – ibu arisan, lampu merah, jalan raya, bunga- bunga, seekor anjing, dua ekor ikan, tiga tangkai mawar, semua tertawa. Bapak – bapak dan ikan pada suara satu, supir angkutan dan tiga tangkai mawar pada suara dua, pengemis dan bunga – bunga pada suara tiga. Yang lainnya tertawa dengan masing – masing caranya. Seperti merdu tapi kacau, seperti indah tapi menusuk hati.

Aku hanya diam tidak bicara. Aku setuju tapi ingin pergi saja. Aku takut, aku gelisah, aku sedih, aku marah. Tapi aku masih cinta kamu.

Being in love doesn’t guarantee that one would be an expert when it comes to relationship. I guess the only thing we can master is the art of knowing when to hang on and when to let go.

As in this case of me. Time indeed was my best friend. Despite some little argument, the fights are not lingering. We’re civil, sometimes even friendly. There will be times when the laughter reminds me of the way we were once in relationship- CAREFREE AND HAPPY. But that’s not to say I’ve forgotten all the bad things that happened. Once you find it in your heart to forgive, the bad things just become a faded memory.

A friend was right in saying “as we grow up, we learn the one that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it’s hard. But you’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You’ll fight with your best friend. You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did. Time is passing too fast and eventually you’ll lose someone you love. So take many pictures, laugh much and love like you’ve never been hurt because every 60 seconds you spend upset a minute of happiness you’ll never get back. There are times when even the best of us having trouble with commitment and we maybe surprise at the commitment we are willing to let slip out of grasp. We may surprise ourselves by the commitment we’re willing to make. True commitments take efforts and sacrifice which is why we have to choose our commitment very careful.”

Failed relationship isn’t guarantee you’ll never be affected again. Having your heart broken by someone you love is never an easy thing. But once you learn to cope with the hurt, the pain never stays long.

My heart still bleeds but the sadness doesn’t flow as much like before. I’m sure I’m able to survive.

Things are not really okay yet, but I’m healing. So how do I keep the music playing? I decide to fall in love with life. I should fall in love with life. I’m in love with the life I have and everything that is part of my existence.

I don’t regret for what went wrong with my relationship as long as my love life is concerned. It was thrilling while it lasted. I read somewhere, “love is emotion and romance is an evocative expression. I need and want love, but our constant craving is for romance. If love is a dance, romance is tango.”

The beautiful music has ended. It’s just an instrumental melody. So if friends ask me about whatever happened, I’ll tell them “we’re friends now. Best friend.”

So, while the songs still bring that certain glow, I should carry on. I guess it’s just one of those phases in life. It can be sweet at one point and it can be bitter at another point. Bitter doesn’t always taste bad. There’s a pleasant sort of bitterness like bittersweet chocolate. Like me, there are days when I crave for Colletto and Haagen Dasz ice creams. But too many sweets give me toothache. Hahahaha…

Folks, this is my dark chocolate phase, and I’ll enjoy every single second of it.

I REMEMBER YOU. ALWAYS

This post isn't written by me. I just quote it.

"Kamu kudoakan, kamu kuikhlaskan. I bid thee farewell, my friend. May you find what you seek, may you remember me well, and may you treasure the memories we’ve had."

No way November will see our goodbye

When it comes to December it's obvious why

No one wants to be alone

And come January I'm frozen inside

Making new resolutions a hundred times

I try to stop believing in love. Then, I somewhat try to believe in the same thing called love. So many times till I ended up in bruises and still calling myself as happy. Love supposed to be a happy thing. Yet, it never was.

I don't know if I still want to believe in love, ever again. Love comes and goes. When one stays, it always sing the wrong tunes. Awkward. And I've had enough singing awkward rhymes in my life.

I'm a bad songwriter, yet, I've always tried to make one beautiful perfect song, full length. But my songs are always left undone.

No one would fit into me. And guess what, one could never change. ME.

Let all this feeling evaporates
For words are somewhat unforgiving
I might lose my heartbeat

I'm tired of trying to prove that I have love
Let it shine without me
From this moment on

Convince me if I'm worth of it. If you can't, I'm sorry, LOVE, I'm letting you go

Waktu itu. Ketika waktu itu ada. Aku tidak tahu kalau kamu ada. Entah kenapa secara perlahan2, aku baru menyadari bahwa kamu itu ada di sudut ruang itu. Tapi entah kenapa pula aku tidak terganggu dengan keberadaanmu.

Ketika kemudian mulai kurasakan duka karena kamu tidak ada. Mungkin aku mulai panik dan tidak bersedia untuk merasakan itu. Namun satu yang pasti, terlalu banyak hal yang menyangkut dirimu...

Aku terluka ketika kamu terluka. Aku pun berduka ketika wajahmu tak bercahaya.
Dan entah sampai kapan pila hal itu akan tetap ada, walaupun rasanya tidak harus begitu.

P.S:
Telah kubuka pintu hatiku sebesar2nya. Tapi ternyata itu tidak cukup.

This is what happened if you forget to feed your T-rex. Hahahaha......

No...no...no...

This is the compensation of an unemployment and when you miss someone close to death.

Before...

5 Minutes later...

P.S : Chi...thank you for the picture

LITTLE BIRTHDAY NOTE (FINAL EPISODE)

August 5, 2007. 11.02 A. M

Finally, the day is officially over.

I'm not as happy as 24 hours ago and that's not important anymore. Dreams can never become reality. But that's not the point. I shiuld be grateful for whatever I have now, not just for whatever I want. Birthday is not happiness parameter though it's a special day for me.

Maybe I'm not as happy as yesterday, because today [which is not my birthday anymore] I dont use it for reflection. Or maybe because of perfection I want doesn't exist.

Ahh... I'm so lame. Why don't I realize that I have friends who love me? Other maybe don't have as great as them. I also can gather with my family, other maybe don't have complete family. My disappointment is nothing compare to them

Shit... I'm not happy because of my self. Hahahahahahahahaaa.......All I can do now is just laughing on my stupidity.

Anyway... why does this laugh make me happy?



Okay... That's a wrap folks for this episode of my LITTLE BIRTDAY NOTE



keep your head and hope up...

LITTLE BIRTHDAY NOTE (EPISODE III)

Nothing could make me happy that night other than 00.00 hours. But that two-become-one moment didn't have to celebrate with trumpets, horns and fire crackers like countdown on New Years Eve. By seeing that 00.00 hours already make me happy though my heart beat twice faster.

[and there I was. Sitting on my bed with hanging thoughts to the unknown future. I saw the clock no more. I paid attention nowhere. I just smiled because I finally reached the time. And I just smiled...]

On the 1st minute, I wished thanks to the almighty for everything, for everything I couldn't pay Him back. I asked for forgiveness for every sins I made [hey...I'm just human after all]. Asked for everything that no other human being alive could provide, till no more words could come.

[then I smiled. Again...]

Buzz....
Something was buzzing. Yay...my cell phone. Yep... cell phone suddenly became the next-interesting-thing that night. Hmm, I wonder. Who is the first person that sent me birthday wishes? DB. And that was him. He is my best friend though we didn't see each other well because he lives in Indiana now. He's always the like that; being the first in my last-and-this-year birthday. Thanks dude...

And other texts came, intercepted with one call. HEGI. She is my ex girl friend. She was born a day after me. It was even more special with the presence of her voice wishing me good luck and bringing late night stories.

These eyes were finally tired. And I should obey them to fall asleep. Looked like they didn't want to get into euphoria. Hmmm... I agree. Because the day had just begun for two hours